I walked into the ICU, as I had done for the past three days to review my patient before the hectic day as a house officer starts. This was one who had suffered over 70% burns with inhalational burns as well. I remember seeing him the previous day before I went home. I asked him how he was doing and he was so optimistic. More optimistic than myself because all I could think of was how to end the month since I was as broke as the Trump wall that is even yet to be built. I don’t know what it is with Januarys’. They are just long. I swear, the end of the ocean can be seen clearer than that of January. But he was cheerful, he was happy, he had just finished a cup of yogurt. I bid him goodbye and said to see him the following day.
I walked in as usual, and he had been intubated. I just could think about what had happened over the night. I called him and there was no response. I wasn’t worried because if it had happened, I wouldn’t have come to meet him. He had been sedated. I stood in awe, I couldn’t read my thoughts, I couldn’t feel my energy, I couldn’t see my eyes, but I watched. I watched him for a while, I couldn’t hear what the nurses were discussing, I couldn’t make any sense of anything around me. I was there to go get some plasma for him. I was there to write in his folder as I am obliged to do. I was there to report his progress to my boss. I was there, I was there, and I watched.
Then I remembered his wife used to sit in front of the ICU. I remembered I have to remind her to get people to replace all the units he had received. But I watched. Before I could realize, I was singing…. ‘Say something, I’m giving up on you’ You should find that song if you’ve never heard it. It’s by a duo called, A Great Big World. Quite interesting the name of the duo that composed such and amazing tune. It was playing from a nurse’s phone. It’s one of those songs I used to listen to anytime I felt like I was lonely. But the fact is, I’ve never been lonely. Well, maybe once or twice. But that’s not bad for a silver jubilant and more. Sometimes I wonder why I can’t remember stuff like I do lyrics. Maybe I could have been an upgrade of Einstein and Newton. But I do remember them, especially my Kanye’s. So I started singing.
“Say something, I’m giving up on you
I’ll be the one if you want me to
Anywhere I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on you
And I… am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all
And I… will stumble and fall
I’m still learning to love
Just starting to crawl
Say something, I’m giving up on you
I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
Anywhere I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on you
And I… will swallow my pride
You’re the one that I love
And I’m saying goodbye
Say something, I’m giving up on you
And I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
And anywhere I would’ve followed you (Oh-Ooh)
Say something, I’m giving up on you
Say something, I’m giving up on you Say something..”
I heard another voice that wasn’t mine. A nurse had joined in. She told me about how she witnessed a soul pass and all she could do was watch on. A good friend once said, “Sometimes there’s no need holding on, you just need to let go” and of a truth, it turns out most of the time that there is more healing in letting go. So we sang, and she was a bit surprised. I’m yet to find out if it was my voice, the look on my face, or that we too can sing. But I still watched on.
I felt he was giving up, I felt it was too early to give up. Then I thought about all he could be going through. I thought will it be better if he let go? I thought about the wife always sitting in front there. I thought about the family, and I watched on. I took my pen from my pocket and wrote in the folder, I took the form to go get his plasma, I finally reported of his progress to my boss, just as I am obliged to. The song still lingers in the content within my skull. In fact, I am playing it as I write this very piece. If I think I have issues to deal with, if I think I have scores to settle, I have come to a realization that it can never surpass the Lord’s prayer, “And give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses.” He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches.
raphaeltakyi.com 